First Day at the New Bucket Shop


I’m sure this isn’t new to all of you veteran 3go1go Monkeys out there but I have gotten this question from people that aren’t in this shit business and I’m sure you have also.  “What is it like at your new bucket shop”?  Ok, they call it a financial institution or some shit like that but they really mean bucket shop, aka soul sucking shithole. I lie and tell them it’s a great “opportunity”.  I’m gonna really kill it here because they have a great “platform”.  If I play my cards right I could be sales manager in a year of two.  All BS.  I’m here because I’m a washed up monkey with not too many other options and I got bills to pay.  But we all know that by now.

They say wow, sounds like a great job.  Give me some details on what your first day is like.  I usually tell them that it’s a very hard thing to explain if you aren’t in the business, but hey, how about those Yankees huh.  But we all know the real drill.  Start by calling up your “Best” accounts to inform them you have a great new “opportunity” at Fossil Securities and you can cover them at the new shop.  By the way this will probably be the only time they will pick up the phone without yelling at you to IB them so make the most of it.  Tell the account how great the “platform” is and how we should be trading a lot more here because the traders have great “execution”, the sales team is a bunch of “all-stars” and the research is “stellar”.  Oh, also mention the one day you will also have new issue.  I’m sure they never heard that one before.  Their response, “I never heard of the place”.  Well we are gonna change that right away “Chief”.  Why don’t I send over the forms to open an account to your back office and we’ll get open in a week or two then you can start feeding me orders again? Their response is one of three things.  “We aren’t opening any new accounts until the New Year, I have too many mouths to feed already”.  “Put me on your runs first and we’ll see if we even need to open an account with you guys”.  “Send it to my back office”.  Now even though that sounds like the best one, it’s not.  It will go into the back office new account form black hole for sure.

Do that drill a few more times that day but make sure you don’t call everyone because then you won’t have anything else to do for the rest of the month.  It makes a great first impression to the sales manager.  He sees you on the phone making actual calls.  He hasn’t seen a monkey make a call in at least 3 months.  It’s going to take him at least 3-5 days to realize he just hired another 3go1go monkey.

So Good luck at your new gig, I hope you kill it there.

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