Research ANALyst

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We have told you all about the 3go1go sales monkeys and we have also written about the monkey police. But there is another very important cog in the machine here at 3go1go securities.  The sellside research analyst.  A sellside analyst is a very sad creature that exist only to one day have a shot at a real job, a buyside analyst.  So what is the process the analyst undertakes to come up with his highly anticipated opinion? The first thing is for him to “get up to speed”.  To do this he reads the Bloomberg description page of the company.  Then he will “build a model” (basically a cut and paste job from the company’s 10-Q).  Then he will “reach out” to management. After a month or so the company finally gets back to him.  If he was at a real shop it’s much sooner.  Then he calls the ratings agencies to get their “take” on the situation.  Next he ask for the sales monkeys to get him on the phone with one of your accounts familiar with the situation (like thats ever gonna happen).  After a couple of months he still has no opinion so has to update his model because earnings have come out again. Now time for the moment of truth.  After all this “work” the analyst will put out his desk note at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon so that absolutely nobody will ever know he put it out.  Oh by the way after all that he is “fair value” on the credit.  Remember you can’t spell analyst without anal.

Ralph Hurley.

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